24 Sep 2013
Rarely do I make it to the second date. In fact, I rarely make it to the first anymore. Chalking this up to Bulimia in days gone by, I wonder, what’s my excuse now? Why the disenchantment? Why would I rather spend every waking and sleeping moment with my dog instead of having a few laughs with a nice gentleman?
I get the nicest of requests. The kindest of emails from two online dating sites. From handsome and seemingly high-quality fellows. And during those first few exchanges, I am intrigued. But, from the get-go, I always know that something isn’t right. Something’s off. Yet I try because, well, maybe I’m just too picky and should open my horizons. Maybe I’ll hurt their feelings if I don’t show interest. Maybe I sometimes hear my mother’s voice from long ago forecasting that I’ll be an “old maid with an eating disorder.”
I know what I want. I want, not even for a second, the doubt in his ideology, philosophy, and existence. I want a leader. A partner. A realistic fantasy. Does that exist?
So, despite my intentions to socialise like a ‘normal’ person, I cut it off. Nobody matches. The Internet guys. The ones who I meet on the street. The ones who I knew from long ago, trying to find a flame for old time’s sake. In fact, Ms. Organisation uses an editable ‘This isn’t working’ message for the guys who make it through date one. The guys who, like good sales people, always ask for the second date. The ones who always include Gwendolyn. The ones who aren’t afraid to ask for the sale.
Buyer’s Remorse Addendum:
Hi! When we had our time together, it was really nice. But especially right now when I have so many obligations, I’m not ready to have a new friendship outside of the Internet; and waiting for my ‘schedule’ is not fair to you. I have a tendency to overbook, and I stretch myself to the point of exhaustion. Thus, new friendships are out for me. I’m very much a ‘hit and run’ kind of person. When the feeling strikes me, I go out. When I’ve had a few drinks, I call on friends. But planning social activity doesn’t work. My business comes first. I hope you understand because I’m so flattered by your invitations and desire to hang out with us… but it’s just too much for me.
Compatibility cannot be created by the sales process. Compatibility just is. Dating does not belong in the sales funnel. And I can’t be treated like a sale. I want for my brain to be challenged, and I want mystery. I don’t want to be courted like a princess.
I want to dress up and look pretty for someone. I want to drink wine on my new velvet chaise, dressed in a little cute sporty outfit, dog on our laps, watching a movie. I want to ride bicycles with him (and dog) on chilly autumn days!!! All day!!! I want to have the kind of fun that makes me excited to work for 17-hours followed by more fun! Late night dinners and laughter! Frasier at 2am! Someone recently told me that I need to slow down and enjoy life. But to me, slowing down is not enjoyable. I want to get as much as possible from every breathing moment of my existence.
Any Rand said, “Love is our response to our highest values, and can be nothing else.” I agree intensely. But I am not looking for love. I have love. I am looking for experiences.
What do you seek?